Thursday, May 14, 2009

Revisions to "America's Energy Future"

In the area of focus, various changes were made to keep the essay on point. For example, in the rough draft I went into detail about the use of oil money by terrorists. In the final draft, this topic was only mentioned because I needed to stay true to the topic: energy.

For content, the paper already had a great amount of examples and statistics to help to prove my point. When writing the rough draft, I had already done sufficient research and obtained all of the facts that I would need. During revising, I did change some of my analysis, specifically in the con argument.

Structurally, the rough draft only had four paragraphs, which included an introduction, the importance of domestic drilling, the importance of renewable sources of energy, and then the con argument of current government policy. After the con argument, the essay seemed to end abruptly. I added a conclusion paragraph to tie all of my points together in the final draft.

When revising the style of my essay, I changed sentences and phrases to sound more appealing and to better drive a point. In the rough draft it said, “on the issue of energy, we cannot only use the solutions of Democrats or only those of Republicans.” This was changed to, “on the issue of energy, we cannot choose between Republicans or Democrats.” This states the point in a much pithier way.

Conventions were revised by correcting misspelled words throughout the essay along with checking all grammar.

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